Ames, Iowa October, 23 (The Oklahoma Post)-
Free NFL Picks for week seven (7) of the 2022 season.
While traveling to the great state of Oklahoma to witness the Oklahoma State cowpokes homecoming matchup vs. Texas shorthorns, I was in a situation tighter than a v-neck on a post-marriage forty (40!) year-old Mike Sorrentino.
I knew a break was needed from the long drive through Big 12 country. Time was short and I hated to get off the road, not only due to a late start on the north-to south twelve (12) hour route but also because the air in Iowa was rich with harvest season manure. No time to waste outside the confines of my Autumn Apple Pie scented Tesla.
So while waiting on my double cheese from a local stand, I could only quickly splurge on what I hoped to be a winning parlay on this weekend’s slate of NFL games. The ticket looks like this:
The only away games this week in which the Visitor leaves the victor are the Jets, the Giants, and the Packers. The reasoning is obvious in that each named away team is hot and healthy. Denver is terrible Jacksonville is terrible, and Washington Football remains terrible. I refuse to knock the Green Bay quarterback on his choice of haircuts. Aaron Rogers still performs well under pressure, the Packers win handily.
Dak is back. It’s not November yet. The Lions have no reason left to play. (e.g. playoff hope destroyers). The rumor is the team is already planning on tanking in hopes of a higher draft pick for U.S.C. Qb Caleb Williams. He’s not eligible until 2024. I picked Dallas.
Please forgive the bias, but the Bengals are at home against the Falcons. The Bengals draft Sooner running backs and LSU quarterbacks. Edge Bengals.
The Ravens at home against the Browns. Cleveland’s only hope for a Super Bowl in the past 20 years was Baker Mayfield. Cleveland loses in a blowout.
Chargers at home against the Seahawks. Seattle forfeited the 2022 season when they traded Wilson and have been questionable as a franchise since they got rid of Oklahoma’s Steve Largent in the 70s: there was one fluke Super Bowl. The chargers are at home and kept their franchise quarterback in the off-season.
We go with the Raiders at home against the Texans. Go with the team with a quarterback playing quarterback; probably the Raiders.
The Miami Dolphins at home against the Steelers Steelers have a lot of players out and they’re starting Kenny Picket on the road. The Dolphins win.
Carolina Panthers against Tampa Bay Buccaneers even with Mayfield on the sideline, the Panthers are a better team. The Tom Brady off-the-field drama with superstar partner Gisela is getting in the way of our critical assessment of his declining play. The situation on the field could stink as bad as this Iowa breeze.
Tennessee Titans against Indianapolis Colts in Nashville. The only thing keeping this game longer than an hour is a halftime and incomplete Marcus Mariota passes. Titans rush for 300 yards, win the game, and there’s a wedding downtown.
The 49ers are at home against the Chiefs and are slight underdogs. Sources tell us that the cheese relayed to arrive in northern California due to numerous storms in the Kansas City area disrupting flights. A quarterback showdown in wine country has some female tailgaters (fans) calling this the “battle of the GQ quarterbacks”, in which some locals we interviewed stated they “had visions of Jimmy Garoppolo”, local waitress Kelly Brewew said, “having the home-field advantage and the California weather should ensure a win”.
Time to print the ticket, unplug the Tesla, start the newest audiobook (How to win friends and make family court cases in less than 30 days) and ride south.
(Writing by Roberta Robinson; Editing by Robbie Robertson)
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